A few years back, the term "metrosexual" entered the English language. It was what we call a portmanteau, a word that mashes together two different words to form something in between a compound word and a pun. (Brunch, jewfro and infomercial are all portmanteaus.) "Metrosexual" itself referred to a straight man with an interest in girly things like skin care,… read more!
Lists of Nine with Keyword "misc." (most recent at top)
My wife and I were recently discussing once-common words that have since fallen out of fashion. For instance, in the 1960s everybody referred to marijuana as "grass". No longer. Today it's called a million things, but never grass. Similarly, nobody seems to call a condom a "rubber" anymore. Of course this is just street slang, and most slang changes by… read more!
This week I finally finished up my Spanish classes after two years and four months. I feel like I've learned all I can for now, even though there is still clearly much more to learn. (In other words, I'm nowhere near fluent, but I'm pretty well-versed for a tourist.) Learning a language makes me think about English, too, and how strange,… read more!
First of all, I'm sorry that I've been slacking off on the lists. It's been a combination of not having enough time, due to a plethora of freelance work, and not having enough complete lists to include (though I have many works-in-progress). This list, in fact, could probably stand a bit more research, and if any of you have some… read more!
True, Earth Day was last month - but every day is Earth Day, right? Since green is the new black, I present to you my suggestions for what you can do to save our suffering planet from total environmental destruction. Why is this list different from the others? Because whereas most mainstream tips are all about sounding hip (organic gardening,… read more!
This year I got to witness two famous cliches in real life: I saw the blind leading the blind (two blind Mexican musicians walking down the street, one leading the other) and I got to see somebody rolling out the red carpet (workers preparing Grauman's Chinese Theatre in Hollywood for a premiere). Stuff like this made me think about all… read more!
Many say that the origins of modern-day rap music lie in the inner city practice known as "signifying," wherein two young friends or rivals spar by hurling hilarious, often vulgar insults at each other - usually involving crude remarks about somebody's mother. These quickly became known as "Yo Mama" jokes. Now, there is probably only a very slim overlap between… read more!
The topicality of this list is vague at best, though it does look forward to the future a little bit (see entry #3, below) and also has to do with my former place of employment (see entry #2). Born in 1966. Both TV series debuted in this watershed year, when color TV was still new. I Love Lucy? Both shows… read more!
You may have heard of the term "very special episode" - it's when a TV series gets serious and breaks from its normal light-hearted tone to handle a controversial issue (suicide, drug abuse, kidnapping, etc.). Sitcoms like Diff'rent Strokes practically aired nothing but "very special episodes" after a while. But that's not what I'm talking about here. No, this list… read more!
I had hoped to post this list on some relevant date like Bastille Day, but I missed that. And France didn't win the World Cup this year either. So this is a truly random list that I'm putting up for no good reason, other than that I was recently thinking of eponyms – words named after individuals (e.g., mesmerize, shrapnel) – and… read more!
Believe it or not, this list took a long time to compile. What truly deserves to be wiped off the face of the planet? I don't mean "When people are mean!" or "War!" or (insert random politician's name here). I mean actual, physical constructs that we could, in fact, easily remove. It's not a simple question to answer - if… read more!
This list isn't entirely meant as a joke. Truth is, I've been a fan of The Brady Bunch ever since I was a kid, subjected to at least three episodes a day on San Francisco's KBHK, channel 44. I can safely say I've seen every single episode of this charming - if insipid - sitcom at least five times apiece.… read more!
Folks, it's not so much that I'm running out of ideas, it's just that I have a lot of unfinished lists that I'm still trying to fill out. In the meantime, I hope you find this list of unlikely, unfortunate, and entirely fictional clown names amusing. It may be the only time you laugh at a clown all year. "Pinchy".… read more!
You might think that every two weeks or so, I sit down in front of my computer and simply start writing a new List of 9 off the top of my head. Not true! I often find inspiration for a list quite randomly. One or two entries for the list usually come to mind quickly, but rarely all nine at… read more!
The talented and often hilarious Scott Spears, the cinematographer for my first feature Foreign Correspondents, came over to my house one afternoon and started rattling off all the various lines low-budget producers have fed him when trying to get him to shoot their short films for no pay. He hit it so right on the nose that I asked him… read more!
For a long time I've entertained the idea of doing a movie about the infamous "Typhoid" Mary Mallon. Lucky me, when I looked for the domain name typhoidmary.com, I found it unregistered. So I snagged it. Thus began several years of my having to put up with a sometimes friendly, sometimes angry public, particularly students writing term papers on Mallon… read more!
I dedicate this to my father, who turns 66 today, for he has given me nerdy self-improvement tips much like these ever since I was a kid. (The only one I really retained was "wash your hands after using the bathroom".) I've since come across various little household tips throughout my nearly 34 years, some of which I have found… read more!
I took Art throughout high school, and one thing I noticed, year after year, was that there would always be some goober - male or female - who would draw a portrait of The Doors' Jim Morrison as one of their class assignments. A couple of months ago, while I was searching for a photo of Morrison online, I quickly… read more!
This list should be self-explanatory. Nine Great Joel Schumacher Films Nine "Frogger" Tips Nine Gay Celebrities Still in the Closet Nine Ways to Entertain Yourself With a Couple of Toothpicks and a Piece of Tape Nine Great Mustards Nine of My Filthiest Sexual Fantasies Nine Little-Known Facts About the '80s Band Night Ranger Nine Photos of Infected Feet Nine Asses
I've met far too many people who go for cheap, easy, boring, unoriginal laughs with lines like these. Here's a list of "witty" quips that, with everybody's awareness and cooperation, will be dead and buried in 2002: I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. Unless you are actually threatening murder, please stop using this line whenever… read more!