Rickrolled

Nine Words That Sum Up 2008

What a year, eh folks? I can't wait for it to be over. Myself, I did all right. Didn't make much money, but made more than I could have. Didn't get sick. Shot a couple of short films, got some interesting jobs. But the economy tanked, lots of people everywhere lost a lot of money, and there's nowhere to go… read more!

Surface: “Shower Me With Your…”

Nine Songs That Are Funnier When You Replace “Love” With “Poop”

This list is explicitly a tie-in with my new short comedy Party Pooper, now available for viewing at Funny Or Die. Now that the film's out, I must reveal myself as a proud fan and practitioner of potty humor. And a running joke in our household has been to take classic pop songs with "love" in the title or lyrics… read more!

You’re sixteen, you’re beautiful, and you’re his

Nine Hit Songs That Endorse Statutory Rape

"Well, she was just 17, you know what I mean." No, Beatles, what do you mean? To be fair, the UK's age of consent is 16, making this song's 17-year-old subject fair game for the Liverpool lads. But here in California, she'd be jailbait. This list is tongue-in-cheek, of course; pop music is aimed at teenagers, and as such, songwriters… read more!

Fast food

Nine Industries That Would Fail If Everybody Lived Like Me

In these bleak economic times, when companies are losing billions and unemployment is on the rise, I can't help but wonder how so many businesses keep going even in a good economy. Sure, we all need food, shelter and transportation. But how do tanning salons, travel agents, expensive boutiques and pet therapists make any money? Who uses them? Who needs… read more!

Es la verdad

Nine Ways in Which Spanish Is Better Than English

This week I finally finished up my Spanish classes after two years and four months. I feel like I've learned all I can for now, even though there is still clearly much more to learn. (In other words, I'm nowhere near fluent, but I'm pretty well-versed for a tourist.) Learning a language makes me think about English, too, and how strange,… read more!

Fritz Lang’s M

Nine One-Letter Movie Titles

In honor of Oliver Stone's dramatization of the life of George W. Bush, entitled W., I bring to you pretty much all the notable theatrical features that dared to use just one letter for their titles. W., Oliver Stone, 2008. The aforementioned Bushography. Purists who quibble about that extra "." in the title will note that there was a 1974… read more!

The Mann National in Westwood

Nine Now-Closed LA Movie Theaters I Used to Go to

I've been thinking about the past a lot lately. Mainly because my 20-year high school reunion is coming up, but also because I had recently put most of my old CalArts films online, which took me back to 1992. That was the year I graduated college, moved into the city of Los Angeles, and started spending most Saturday afternoons watching matinees (while I… read more!

Gustav Klimt

Nine Notable Gustavs Throughout History

Hurricane Gustav hit the Gulf Coast of the United States today, and while the storm was thankfully not as destructive as once feared, it did make me think about the name Gustav, and the notable men named Gustav (or variations thereof). This is a quickie list; I have more in-depth lists on the way. Gustav Holst. British composer, 1874-1934. Best… read more!

Real Food Daily: Vegan Central

Nine Celebrity Sightings at Real Food Daily

Although the rest of the world loves to hate Los Angeles, we still get hordes of tourists every year, most hoping to see a movie star in real life. These tourists book expensive meals at The Ivy and Spago and mostly only see each other. Meanwhile, West Hollywood's vegan restaurant Real Food Daily is often packed with health-conscious celebrities. My… read more!

Even George Clooney sucked in 1987

Nine Reasons Why 1987 Was the Worst Year in Pop Culture

While any given 12-month period will have its share of good and bad movies, songs, and other cultural touchstones, I grimly recall one particular year in which almost everything was really, really bad. Worthless, unmemorable, cynically made... just bad. And that year was 1987. Behold: Movies: Apart from cult favorites like RoboCop, Full Metal Jacket, The Princess Bride, and The… read more!

20th Century Fox, outdated since 2000

Nine Outdated Corporate Names

First of all, I'm sorry that I've been slacking off on the lists. It's been a combination of not having enough time, due to a plethora of freelance work, and not having enough complete lists to include (though I have many works-in-progress). This list, in fact, could probably stand a bit more research, and if any of you have some… read more!

Eraserhead

Nine Black and White Films Made After the End of the B&W Era

1967 marked the death of the black and white era when the TV networks delivered this mandate: they would only buy new films from the studios if they were in color. Back then, network TV was the largest ancillary market for a motion picture, so the studios immediately acquiesced and the black and white film died almost overnight. Even the… read more!

No kids, no meat, no vacations

Nine Unpopular Things You Can Do to Save the Planet

True, Earth Day was last month - but every day is Earth Day, right? Since green is the new black, I present to you my suggestions for what you can do to save our suffering planet from total environmental destruction. Why is this list different from the others? Because whereas most mainstream tips are all about sounding hip (organic gardening,… read more!

Faye Wray

Nine Famous People Whose First and Last Names Rhyme

Every month I say to myself, "Oh no! I can't come up with any new List of 9 ideas!" - and then magically, a few days later, I do. Even if it's a totally irrelevant list like this one. That said, whenever I start off convinced that I'm compiling the most random assortment of pointless trivia, I often discover during… read more!

Jack Frost and Jack Frost

Nine Pairs of Unrelated Films With the Same Title

When I was finishing up my film Claustrophobia in 2003, I noticed that, on the IMDb, a short film of the same title was also in production. For a time, our two films accidentally merged and I found cast and crew members associated with my film who I never even met. The problem was soon sorted out, but it was… read more!

London’s ICA, where I’ve seen many films

Nine Cities I’ve Gone Out to the Movies in

There's not much point in writing this list, but I do hope it will inspire you to go out to the movies when you are on vacation. I really enjoy doing this, even though it seems counter-intuitive to the whole point of traveling, since you can see the same movie back home... right? Well, maybe, but seeing a film in… read more!

The Seven Samurai, 207 minutes

The Nine Longest Movies I’ve Ever Seen

Recently I was having a chat with my composer Christopher Farrell about film length. He had mentioned one filmmaker whose films tended to be a little long. I joked that my own films seem to turn out much shorter than I had intended (namely Claustrophobia). It got me thinking about the longest movies I'd ever seen. Here they are, from… read more!

Martin Landau wouldn’t have been cut off

Nine Things I’d Do Differently if I Produced the Oscars

I know it's not cool to like the Oscars. Hollywood's out of touch with America, it's just a bunch of phonies congratulating each other, blah blah blah. I write this one day after the 80th Academy Awards and already the event's been forgotten. Look, I won't defend the show. But I've watched it every year since I was six or… read more!

Lilo & Hitch

Nine Movies That Would Be Better if Alfred Hitchcock Was in Them

It's hardly arguable that Alfred Hitchcock, one of the greatest film directors who ever lived (if not the greatest), was also the one with the most recognizable and charismatic onscreen personality. To wit: "Good eeevening." What a shame that "Hitch" never really took up acting - apart from his famous cameos and TV show introductions, that is. If he had,… read more!

La Vie en Rose

The Nine Most Overrated Films of 2007

I used to do this "overrated" list every year. But over the last few years, despite (in my opinion) the decreasing quality of new films and filmmakers, I had no reason to write such a list - mainly because other critics agreed that the cinematic output of Hollywood, the independent scene, and mainstream foreign films (which is to say, the… read more!