Nine of the Weirdest Emails I Have Received

Some Austrian woman thought I was Al Bundy

When I first set up my Foreign Correspondents movie website in late 1997, the Internet was still rather small, and people searching for things related to my film's actors or subject matter would often wind up at the site and then email me their queries. I made a number of good friends this way. Sometimes, though, I'd get a letter that was, well, a little odd. Perhaps somebody typed in the wrong address, or wanted something else, or just didn't really have a clue as to what was going on. The cream of the crop:

  1. The girl who thought Corin Nemec was sick. "I was looking at the picture of him in the Make Up Polaroid's and It looks like he is sick or something. Is he ok? I don't know what it is but he just doesn't look well." I had to inform her that a) the photos had been taken over a year earlier, b) all the photos were taken during the same week, and c) Corin Nemec was healthy. I think I disappointed her.
  2. A demand to end the war in Kosovo. A concerned citizen sent me a desperate plea that, as an Eastern European member of NATO, I must do what I can stop the war. I had to admit to this person that I was not really an Eastern European nation named "Forcor".
  3. Will Con. Somebody calling himself "Will Con" offered to distribute my film. I passed.
  4. Life imitating art? Foreign Correspondents is partly about a French penpal. Coincidentally, a 14-year-old girl in Paris emailed me, desiring a penpal. Nothing more. She just wanted a penpal. But apparently I wasn't it; she never wrote again.
  5. The missing Lynskey. A man researching his genealogy found the surname "Lynskey" in his roots. Searching for the name on the Web, he came across my site. (ForCor starred actress Melanie Lynskey, of course.)
  6. Al Bundy's fan. One of my favorites. A woman from Austria wrote to me, calling me "Al Bundy" (the character that actor Ed O'Neill played on the TV show Married... with Children) and begging me to send her an autographed photo for her boyfriend. She wrote: "Aspecially I like it, if you call Marcy D'arcy a 'CHICKEN'". I had to let her down: Not only am I not Al Bundy, but Al Bundy isn't real.
  7. Hoping to photograph the South African elections. A very confused woman somewhere on earth wrote to me in care of my "organization", suggesting that since I am going to cover the upcoming South African elections (sorry to say, I am not), she would like to come along as a photographer. I felt bad having to turn her down.
  8. GOOD TO SEE YOU WIL AND CORIN. Soon after the site went live, I got email that was addressed to two of the film's stars, Wil Wheaton and Corin Nemec. The author was very concerned about Wil's mom, for some reason. (I believe she is just fine.) In his own words: "WIL, IS WILPOWER STILL GOING STRONG OR HAS IT KIND OF DIMMED" - I informed him that, indeed, Wilpower is still going strong.
  9. The costume psycho. My all-time favorite. This woman wrote to me, in some desperation, seeking the costume that Leonardo DiCaprio wore in Man in the Iron Mask. I'll never know why she thought I had it, but let me quote, verbatim: "AND i do understand that clothes, especially clothes and hairstyles(sort of) make a big difference in making a person look different!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOw, will you please help me find out someone(your company perhaps) or some affiliates of yours,,who could make some costumes of the muskateers and louis's brown outfit(actually Philipe's>>>) while he was in the little town in training the movie "Man in the Iron Mask"???? i have been looking allllllllll over to find a place that will make these outfits!!!" I recommend keeping your doors locked until this person is apprehended.