Nine Weird Emails I Received Regarding “Typhoid Mary”

Typhoid Mary Mallon

For a long time I've entertained the idea of doing a movie about the infamous "Typhoid" Mary Mallon. Lucky me, when I looked for the domain name, I found it unregistered. So I snagged it. Thus began several years of my having to put up with a sometimes friendly, sometimes angry public, particularly students writing term papers on Mallon who wanted me to do all their research for them and, more amusingly, those in rock bands called "Typhoid Mary" or fans of same. I eventually let the domain name expire, but below are nine of the funnier letters I received, reprinted verbatim.

  1. SUBJECT: hello imposter I have friends in film, in 3d animation and most of all in the the record industry, and I will pass on the fact that anyone associated with the "Typhoid Mary Film project" are imposters pretending to be part of the Typhoid Mary band and are amatures at best. Pull that foot out of your mouth wanna-be. -Xar
  2. SUBJECT: [none] hey it just me ian if you can get a hold of me befor the show ....that good ....but we need and small bio of the band ...and two cd ...but if you don't get a hole of me i'll see you there at the reverb tomorrow at 8:00 or 8:30
  3. SUBJECT: about picture i want to know were to get picture
  4. SUBJECT: Tphoid Mary how did she kill all those people
  5. SUBJECT: [none] hey man, why do you have to keep a domain name if you aint gonna make the god damn movie. thats retarded and gay. if you think that our band or any band will buy it from you when we get signed you are crazy. so if that is the only reason you are holding it is to wait for a band with that name to get big then you are outta your mind and should write a book called SHARKY DUMBASS the sequal to your other film.
  6. SUBJECT: Kev's Little Bro If you are not the typhoid Mary of Denver you are imposters of my boys from denver and you should find another name. If you are the typhoid mary of denver much props from LCPL ROOF (kevins Little brother) you all's C.D Rocks. Myself and kevin will be home the 27th of NOV hit me up. Peace, Luke
  7. SUBJECT: don't know shit... hey... I don't know shit about Mary Mallon... but the fuckin band kicks azz... PEACE!!!
  8. SUBJECT: Know nothing Well she was known to have infected 47 people, 3 of whom died. That's a lot, but I'm not sure it's countless. Sounds like a boring movie.
  9. SUBJECT: [none] This website sucks ass